Thoughts

I've not been so good at keeping this blog going, huh? I took a long break, b/c I didn't really have anything that interesting to say. Now that I've become a mom, I have some interesting things to talk about, and her name is Adelynn Cecelia.

Adelynn (Adie) was born July 4. She came into the world with a bang, let me tell ya. I was in labor for 16 hours. My epidural didn't really take, so I felt all 16 of those hours, and Pitocin is a killer. God was so gracious, though, because my little girl came out with such a gentle curiosity about her. She didn't even cry. She just looked around as if to say, "Hello world! Here I am!" She was (and still is) the picture of perfection.

Bonding with her was so easy. I'd heard how some women really struggle with this, but thankfully I did not. I did have some postpartum blues, but that only lasted about 2-3 weeks. After that, I was able to relax and enjoy Adie in every way.

People told me that when we had a baby, everything would change, but I just had no idea! Things that used to really bother me don't anymore. If I haven't eaten all day, I don't really care, because that just means I've been playing really hard with my little sweetie. I value time at home more. The list could go on and on.

So this is what I was thinking about this morning that I really wanted to share:

When I was younger, I never fantasized about being a mother. I'd never really even thought about it much even after I'd been married a few years. And now I can't imagine anything in life being greater than this. To watch her grow, learn to laugh and play, and just be with her means everything to me now. Life always had a lot of meaning to me, but now it takes on a whole new one. I am a mom!

So now I'm faced with the daunting task of going back to work. Some may want to criticize me here, but just don't. I've wrestled with this for 3 months, and I know that it's what God wants for me. My job isn't just a job. For me, it's something I feel called to do. However, I am also called to be Adie's mom, so somehow, I have to find the balance. I know I will, but it doesn't make the ache in my heart go away. I am so going to miss my little girl, but I think that the time I have with her from now on will be total quality time. It won't seem wasted. Does that make sense?

These last 3 months that I've had with my little girl mean everything to me. I've gotten to know her like no one else could possibly know her. I am tearfully excited about what's to come. I can't believe that God has blessed me so much as to put me in charge of this wonderful little person.

Here's a photo of one of her first smiles: