My Journal

I've never much been one for keeping a journal. I guess all those years in school where I was forced to keep one just didn't sit too well with me. Anyway, I have been keeping a blog for quite a while. I guess I feel like with a blog, I don't have to write every single day. I can just write when I have something on my heart. So I was reading some of my old blogs (not located on this page), and I am just so thankful for everything God has done in my life.

One year ago, I was struggling a great deal, because we were leaving Cornerstone, the church I'd been going to since I was a baby. I remember crying so much over that decision, but having such peace that we were doing what God wanted. I remember thinking I didn't know where to go or what to do, because there was just no place in this world like Cornerstone. I mean, I met and married my incredible husband there. Cornerstone was a shield for me when I was a kid. When things in my family were tough, it was my place of refuge. Pastor Rick taught me how to love and trust in God with all of my heart. It was also really hard to leave some of our dear friends. That was the hardest thing of all, considering Pastor Rick had been gone for years. It's amazing how people put God in a box, and they see the world only in the four walls of their own church. We lost so many friends, because they just could not see how they could remain friends with us if we didn't go to the same church. For crying out loud; it wasn't like we were joining a crazy sect or something. We were still part of the Church...God's church. But Danny and I learned how to be content with just the two of us, and God showed us what true friendship is all about through that situation. Sometimes I wish He didn't have to use such painful trials to teach us things, but I guess if it weren't so painful, it wouldn't leave such an impression.

Last year I was also having a really tough time sleeping at night. Until you've had insomnia, you can't even imagine how important sleep is. I had all these doctors wanting to put me on anti-depressants and stuff like that, but I just didn't have a peace about that. It's not that I think taking them is wrong. I just had a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach about it. I prayed, prescription in hand, for what God wanted me to do, and He said flat out that I needed to just trust Him. (That's the one area that I struggle with the most...Type A personality and all). The Lord promised me that He would take care of me, and I believed it. I decided not to take the medication (because I wasn't depressed!!), and amazingly I started sleeping really well. I believe that God completely healed me, and I am so grateful for that. God took something that was completely out of my control (yep control freak right here), and He showed me how to trust Him and not myself for everything.

So now my opinion of journaling has changed a little. I can now look back on the last year and see how God has worked in my life. There are so many little things He does for us each day that we don't even see. I can't wait until I can talk with Jesus face to face, and He can show all of the things He did that I didn't even know!! Maybe He keeps a journal on all of us. Maybe He writes things like: Yay, Beth trusted me today...finally!!! I guess we'll find out.

Beth